A. Premise

We, the Sex Goddesses of the Underworld (hereinafter known as “Play Devils”), hereby grant Brian Watkins (hereinafter known as “Hedonistic Rebel”) the full lawful right to seek psychological & biological pleasure beyond what most Average Joe’s consider safe, sane, or possible, with full indemnification of society being claimed as a victim of such individually consensual exploits.

B. Disputes

Shall said Hedonistic Rebel encounter conflict of traditional mainstream Professionals & Puritans (hereinafter known as “Double P’s” or “Trolls”) in his pursuit of extreme happiness, he holds the exclusive right to mindfuck said Trolls as his sole discretion & local weather permits, and shall retain a joint ownership interest, with the Play Devils, in all intellectual property extracted from the minds & bodies of said Trolls, especially of an alt coital nature.

C. Consideration

Sufficient consideration being provided by the Hedonistic Rebel to the Play Devils shall amount to no less than a baker’s dozen of fetish shoe licking, where, if orgasm is not ruined by denial, the rule of peppercorn will prevail and quid pro quo shall be considered properly established.

D. Construction of Agreement

This entire agreement shall be considered drafted by all parties of modern day society, including the Double P’s and their anally retentive attorneys, assigns, & heirs.

E. Force Majeure

A party is not liable for failure to perform the party’s obligations if such failure is as a result of Acts of Satan, including hedonistic rebellion, crotch fire, gender war, or sex toy embargo.

F. Hell or High Water

The obligations of Hedonistic Rebel under “C. Consideration” are absolute, and Hedonistic Rebel shall indemnify Play Devils for any fear of rejection of such shoe fetish with regards to his failure to procure performance of those oral obligations, irrespective of any limitation of primary contractual liability by “E. Force Majeure”, especially his own fire crotch.

G. Governing Law

This agreement shall be blissfully construed and enforced with hedonistic bombs in accordance with the subspace laws of the State of Transcendence.

H. Severability

If any provision of this agreement is determined by a Double P judge to be invalid, then said judge’s member-ship shall be severed by Chinese handcuffs and anatomically integrated into this agreement, where such integrated agreement shall be double penetratively enforced by ungloved proctologist.

I. Forum Selection

Shall any legal dispute arise between parties, the official forum for settling said dispute will be determined by the nature of dispute.

If such dispute entails the involvement of D/s with twin bisexual blonde or redhead sisters, who are sporting vampire fangs or devil horns, then said dispute shall be settled within the discussion forums of Hell on the alt.sex.bondage boards.

If such dispute incorporates the use of the cross of St. Andrew, then said dispute shall be settled within the paywalled forum of Heaven. To not frighten the entire City of Angels, the Play Devils must remain outside in Purgatory until the final ruling is etch-a-sketched into two identical iStone tablets.

J. Integrated Agreement

This represents the full & complete agreement between the Hedonistic Rebel and modern day society, and thus supersedes all prior written & oral sex agreements, except for those agreements established during sixty nine by porcupine.

K. Execution

I, Brian Watkins, fully uncomprehend and agree to be bound & whipped with this contract, in triplicate, by a Russian dominatrix of your chosing.

Brian Watkins