Damn, I’m putting out fires here tonight, while everyone is celebrating Halloween. I was going to launch my new app today, but found a fundamental bug in the program at the last minute that needs to be fixed. Might have to wait until tomorrow, November 1st, to launch it. Going to be worth it once I have this in my life though.

How quickly the kids went alt between the 1990s & 2010s. Yum.

I so need a fluffer while I work. That should be a service for business executives. It would probably double our national business productivity.

What a heck of a business church is… They bless you with air (t symbol) and get you to bless them with money. Their “t symbol” might as well be a gang sign for a protection racket on your soul.

In business, ideally, you want to be in a position where others consistently come demanding the value that you have for them, without questioning you personally. This way, you don’t have to live a double life of fake professionalism, and you don’t have to sell yourself, because your tangible value is so intrinsically strong to your target audience (investors, partners, workers, customers, or users).

So, if you’re having to sell others on you, along with your offering, and it isn’t giving you an ideal personal lifestyle, then it might be worth looking into the components of tangible value & perceived value for your offering, relative to your prospects’ overall life or business options.

If your business can’t get into this position itself, then the other option is to sell by proxy. Where you partner with or hire salespeople/dealmakers/frontmen/reps who put up whatever presence needed to get consistent buyin from others.

The only things you should ever be truly sorry for in life are unreasonably harming others against their will and not being deeply true to yourself. Every other apology can be self-interested public relations.

It doesn’t matter if a product has everything or can do everything. What matters is what people get out of it. That’s why UI/UX is so important. It allows a person to get more out of each use & feel great about it.

When people take on more responsibility & obligation, they usually shed their free-spirited super fun selves. They get more professional and try to act more well put-together to others. It takes personal development to create the best of both worlds. My conscious happiness has always been #1, so I’ve always worked to stay my real self, while achieving more in my life. But it takes real personal development to not restrict your own identity & self-expression with responsibility & obligation. You’ve got to have guts. Life’s going to be over soon.

I should have been born a girl. You sure fucked that one up God!

Any straight guy who says he isn’t attracted to the sight of two hot girls making out with each other is either a liar or extremely insecure. Either way, don’t trust him. I saw two hot girls making out at a bar yesterday and wasn’t attracted, but one was a guy, so that doesn’t count!!

Funny thing how the black sheep brings out the dark side of nice professional people.

Today I cried because I felt hurt by a person I’m very close to.

Oh my fucking god… College girls hockey just got themselves a new super fan. Girl hockey players are looking extremely hot these days. I thought it was still more of a butch girls sport, but not after seeing a team on campus yesterday. There’s something insanely hot about good looking chicks in hockey gear, especially redheads. This sport might be even hotter to me than women’s tennis. Blow your whistle, ref, cause I deserve 2 minutes for high sticking!!

Been up for a day and a half, doing shit loads of business work, preparing for a wedding, and am now butt fuck tired. I can barely stand right now. Going to have a fun wedding tomorrow. Sleep on a sheep. Goodni…

After getting anally mindfucked for a few months, I now need to rebuild my hedonistically youthful mindset with a little music by Kesha.

Ok, I did it, but, I’m sorry, but, I’m really not, well, maybe… After getting sick of it, I just permanently killed my professional presence and relaunched a new & improved hedonistic version of my website. Double P society be fucking damned to heaven. Check it out…

I am who I am, except for tomorrow, when I’ll be who I’ll be.

Money here in the United States looked much cooler back in the 1980s. It was more powerful & official looking, because the designs were less rounded & bubbly. It used to have a more gritty character, like society did.

The transition from pain to pleasure is ultra pleasurable.

My visceral understanding of how short a normal human lifespan is gives me a capability to be unapologetically strategic about getting what I want, but it also makes me feel a strong need to be ultra true to who I am, which reduces my capability to be mechanically strategic at times.

You know how people have varying physical closeness barriers. Like, if you stand too close to a person while talking face to face, they will feel really uncomfortable about it and feel a need to back away. Generally, there are unspoken social norms that people generally fall within, but people who consistently break those expectations in others are known as “close talkers”.

Well, I’m kind of like that when it comes to emotional involvement. For me, normal barriers of emotional closeness & sharing are too watered-down for me to often care. I like to be viscerally all up in the bowels of a person’s soul, and them in mine, when I want to really connect with a person. This frequently causes people to emotionally back away from me. We all ultimately want deep connection with others we like & love, but most people just have a greater sense of vulnerability about exposing who they really truly are inside than I do.

Color me a “close relater”.

Freak of human nature…yup. But, the human nature governs the freak, not the other way around. Yeah, I’m talking to you humans.

At least the good news is that, each day, more & more old money Double P’s die off. This means that their wealth will be passed on to a breed of Double P’s who grew up listening to rock & roll and have actually maybe tried anal sex. Then, in another decade or two and the next generation of wealthy Double P’s will have grown up as Madonna fans. Then the business social landscape will be much more frictionless for me. Should I just move to Europe already or would I then be too capitalistic over there?

I think I’m going to write a new public overview for myself to see how I like it and how business life would feel under that new open representation of identity.

One notion I hate about not being publicly open and faking the Double P act in business is that it would probably notably stunt my personal identity, self-expression, & style of connection for the next decade or more. After a few short months, I can already feel it sucking my soul somewhat…and I’ve only been doing self-employed work out of my own comfy bed during this time.

I’ve met too many corporate peeps who’s souls have been sucked, even if they are very successful entrepreneurs/investors within the game at this stage. Not being guaranteed major financial success if I did let my youthful hedonistic soul get sucked, there is strong motivation to just say “Fuck Brian!” and blaze a new independent trail of public hedonism & pro dealmaking combined.

In recent months, I’ve found myself bouncing back & forth between the opportunities of pure uncompromising public hedonism & sacrificed lifestyle for using my public brand to accelerate my wealth building. There are a plethora of pleasurable outlets to engage within raw public self-expression but risks of not achieving the benefits of possessing serious wealth. There are tons of even more amazing things I could do with tens to hundreds of millions of dollars in my pocket sooner than later but risks of it not successfully happening despite the pursuit of it. Ideally, I’d pursue & succeed in having the best of both now. Is there a strategically solid answer that would permanently resolve this dilemma within me?

You know, to successfully do investment dealmaking and also be a publicly open hedonist, I’d really just need to establish one layer of front office team members that are solid enough & invested enough for me to do really effective work through them for 5-10 years. I could also recruit secondary layers of team members by proxy of my first layer and have all the firepower of scale & expertise I need. The question is how lean can I make this first open layer and how would I go about successfully building it from here? If I could just figure this out, then I could go public again.

If I can figure out a mechanical way to do dealmaking at scale, without my presence, then I’m going to immediately slit Bruce’s throat. He is such a Double P American business twerp who needs to be slaughtered. Kill that fukker and then rape his butthole with ring pops.

Why are displays of graphic & kinky consensual sexuality tightly regulated and even outlawed in this puritanical country, but extreme violence, killing, gore, maiming, & torture are perfectly fine & normal for even kids to pleasurably consume as entertainment? Sexuality shunned. Violence celebrated. Does this make any logical sense? No, but here’s why it’s a good thing…

Human sexuality is a tasty fruit of human nature and the Double P (professional & puritan) society of America has only made that fruit many many times sweeter by turning it into a forbidden fruit. So please, Double P’s, keep doing your thing by vehemently reinforcing your puritanical sexual taboos throughout society. It just ups the pleasure for naughty little play devils like me to violate them.

Your deep inner desires are really taboo. Me likes you for that.

Prediction… The music I’m going to be creating with the kids of the 2050s is going to be fucking sick…but we’ll probably have another way of describing it then.

Fear used to be my archenemy, but we are currently courting one another and may soon announce a new intimate relationship together. The real enemy is inaction or her evil twin sister ineffective action. Fear might just be repurposable into a good friend for one’s own self-interest.

If you think the world’s major problems will be solved politically, then you’re either dumb or you’re angling for a political career. The real solutions to our world’s problems will be technological. Almost always has been.

Remember Play-Doh?? Yeah, well, in the adult world, that’s what I like to call my money. So many juicy ways you can reshape & play with life when you’ve got tons of “playdough”.

I need to insulate my bubble world with lots of money, so that the real world can’t ever seep its way in.

You just can’t look away from this psychotic elegance, can you??

Emotional masochism could end up being a great appreciation based happiness strategy because it assumes no connection with or good treatment from others and then when rejection of others projects at least a small amount of care/connection, which is on tap in this society, then this source of care/connection/pleasure can be reveled in. This might also tie very nicely into my fear based happiness distinction, if it proves true. Hmmmm…

Sources of pleasure/happiness that take real focus/effort to experience the direct mental payoff can be great, like business achievement, intellectual achievement, etc. However, it’s usually best not to rely on only this type of source as the consistent foundation of your pleasure/happiness.

Because of the typically necessary focus/effort investment, you won’t spend the bulk of your moments throughout life paying this cost to consistently experience the pleasure/happiness of these. Subconsciously, the pain/pleasure economics just aren’t usually worth it, except for a minority of the time. Yet people continually dedicate their lives to these things in pursuit of that minority high, largely not enjoying the bulk of time involved, but being convinced of loving it in an overall general sense.

Instead, as your base source of pleasure/happiness, regardless of what you pursue otherwise, I think it’s best to have a naturally radiating source of pleasure/happiness. Instead of being like a machine that takes 1 unit of energy to output ½ unit (like above example), you want to tap into a source of pleasure/happiness that consistently outputs more than the input. If it mentally takes ½ unit to output 1 full unit and is consistently scalable into working throughout your daily life, then you will naturally radiate happiness on an ongoing basis. You become somewhat of a perpetual happiness machine.

So how does one accomplish this? First, you have to get the bulk of your core needs met, and resolve any core sources of relationship pain so there is no big pervasive hole in your life experience. Then, the specific source of this naturally radiating happiness can usually be found in the realm of human connection / social lifestyle / personal relationships / love & romance. You just need to clear away all of the societal bullshit, stop thinking through conventional norms & expectations, continually go inside your own pure sense of self, and over time pick out your most raw, potent, unfiltered desires. Within social desires, these desires might consist of specific types of people, depth of personal connection, specific lifestyle activities, and an overall vision of lifestyle experience.

The answer is custom to you, based on your own personal desires. Make it so your life has a base source of naturally radiating happiness. Then continue doing all the other stuff you want as well.

My traditional approach towards dealmaking has been one of forced confidence & tenacity. However, I’m now wondering if fear & submissiveness can’t be effective, if not more effective. For taking action, it could be similar to a dumbass strategy play, but could also be enchanting & persuasive to others. I think there’s real potential here. If I conclude my potential fear insight, then I’m certainly going to go deeper with exploring this approach towards dealmaking.

Does cum stain the human brain? Is this what makes people clinically insane? I just mindfucked myself and came.

What do normal people do with their lives?

There are scenarios where it is more effective to generally assume failure in one’s pursuits, like with investments. There are scenarios where it is more effective to generally assume success in one’s pursuits, like with persuasion. It’s hard not to let one ineffectively dominate the wrong scenarios in life. It’d be a tough but worthwhile pursuit to establish the proper allocation of general success & failure expectations.

People usually spend 10X more thinking about the object of their desire than the detailed experience of their desire. This should be inverted. If you’re not spending 10X more thinking about the experience of your desires, then you’re not laser focused in on your pleasure/happiness.

Important note to self… I may not declare any future life vision for myself without first listening to the song “Rock n’ Roll” by Skrillex and then still feeling like the vision fits with my highest self. This electronic song is pure transcendence on a stick.

Rock n’ Roll (Will Take You to the Mountain) by Skrillex (2010)

Rainy afternoons are great, but rainy mornings are even better. Dark, cloudy, rainy mornings are just so enchanting. Makes me want to live in a place with lots of rain.

There’s a lot of things that we’re destined to like, but just haven’t yet found the right perspective, mindset, or basis of meaning to experience them through that is pleasurable. I’m sure you can identify something you like that you used to not like so much, where this happened. How many more things that you wouldn’t expect will end up this way in your life? Your full subconscious array of desires is much more complex, exotic, & conflicting that you might imagine. Do you have the balls to seek out, discover, & live what you might find deep down within yourself? Or will you dismiss & squash it because it makes you too nervous to acknowledge or outwardly express?

I’m really noticing more & more alt themes in the mainstream, of course, especially with youth culture. However, there seems to be an exponential explosion potentially happening in more recent years. You used to be able to put a quick label on something with an alt theme, like goth, heavy metal, or BDSM. Now, alt themes are influencing & spreading to all types of things. My own inner personal identity has gone alt in this time, so I wuv it.

If I think about it, it’s actually no surprise to me, after many 20th century decades of Double P mass media and the recent boom of high speed internet & social media. I think a the grunginess of alt is in our human nature. Fake, squeaky clean, Cleaver Family, corporate professionalism was just an era of misplaced, anal retentive, fragile ego driven ideology. Accepting our natural alt path of hyper individualistic self-expression is the way of the future.

There’s still a ton of untapped pleasure potential for me in building a true expertise within sensing & classifying personality types and behavior styles for the purpose of human connection, especially with chicks in romantic relationships & sexual desires. I know this because I still find myself consistently reacting out of “spontaneous inspiration” towards people I find intriguing in some way. This is a good experience, but it also means that I’m, most of the time, simply forgetting about many of my ultra specific desires contained within the nuances of personality & behavior. I could consistently tap & experience so much more pleasure by mapping out & documenting the bulk of these desires and then having them perpetually available. This will at least take a few years of work, but I need to do this.

Startup funding is often more of a work contract than an investment into an independent financial asset.

The object of your desire is nothing without the experience of your desire.

All objects & achievements are simply vehicles for experiences. And all experiences are simply vehicles for feelings.

Don’t confuse this or you’ll end up being happy on paper.

I am a circus freak. Love me.

I want genuine relationships, but they’re going to be lifestyle relationships based on my personal desires, otherwise they’d just be flings. But flings are fun too. I am a perpetual hedonist.

I just had a dream that I was involved in doing a buyout of some rural auto repair company. It had about 30-50 employees and was a piece of crap, barely profitable, that needed some shrewd management. My dream centered around me taking control of the board and spending the first day asking tons of questions to strategically understand the company and establish plans & priorities.

It wasn’t even my deal, and I was just there by chance with a family member who happened to be a principal sponsor along with a few others who didn’t really know what they were doing. But by the time I was there at the company for an hour or two, I had taken over as self-elected chairman of the board and started whipping this podunk company into strategic shape. The questions & concepts I used in this dream to analyze the company were actually pretty dead on, for it being a dream. And in normal Brian fashion, I wore the people out with my intellectual stamina.

If you’ve seen the movie Limitless (2011), then it was a lot like the main synthetic genius guy who brokers that big corporate M&A deal. This character is actually quite similar to what I’m developing myself into in my own business career, except the realistic version, and independent. Even in my dreams, I can’t stop optimizing.

A really core part of maximizing your happiness is remembering the detailed specifics of all the things that have been pleasurable to you in the past, big & small, so that you can focus in on and pursue them again.

Normally, we just simply forget at least 9 out of 10 of these experiences throughout our ongoing lives. So this means that you are currently losing 90% of the things that make you happy. Gone. Kaput. Lost. Forever. Never to be remembered or experienced again in your lifetime.

As a liberated narratophile, I’m finding that the most pleasurable expressions are not the most common of mainstream debauchery, but rather those that really truly get under the skin and mindfuck with core meaning of traditional peeps’ lives, especially when a true statement about me. I’m becoming a connoisseur of expertly expressed raunch. Ahhh… Fuck Brian!!

Funny… As middle class, I’m a freak. As a wealthy person, I’m an eccentric. But I’ll always answer to both.

Hey girl, I had so much fun with you today. You’re such a good friend. How about a little incestuous ageplay & genderplay to put a cherry on top of this fine day??

It is human nature to consume. However, what people choose consume is typically unfulfilling (material items, mass media, food & drink, mass ideology, etc). Consuming human connection & your specific social fetishes is much more potent for fulfillment. Just make sure you include enough variety & spontaneity as not to normalize & extinct your best power sources of pleasure.

There was a time I was happy in my life. There was a time I believed I’d live forever. There was a time I prayed to Jesus Christ. There was a time I had a mother, it was nice.

Nobody else would ever take the place of you. Nobody else could do the things that you could do. No one else, I guess, could hurt me like you did. I didn’t understand, I was just a kid.

Mother and Father by Madonna (2003)

Will truth matter to people anymore with constant nanobot super pleasure? Or will our sense of logical meaning free float relative to our perceptual experience with such strong & constant pleasure induction? A classic behaviorist would bet on the pervasive destruction of truth. Then what?

Oh shit, did I just make a boo boo with this note, in light of this note’s potential realization that fear enables happiness? I haven’t concluded that yet, but if I do, then I’ll need to modify this note to account for strategically cultivating fear, at least until we get our pleasurebots.

The pinnacle of human existence is constant nanobot pleasure with a simulated reality for your senses. If you think you’re failing some duty to live a certain kind of life or be something in the eyes of others deemed important by your subconscious, then stop feeling negative pressure about that, because it’s pretty meaningless anyway. With what human life is all about (pleasure/happiness) and where the human condition is headed (nanobots/simulation), you’re sense of meaning about feeling off target in life just plain wrong. Just float on perpetual relative happiness if you want something of more absolute meaning in your life.

When a small business owner blames “the economy” for their potential or actual tough times, then it’s a strong indicator that they are a mom & pop loser, not a pro.

You see, a down economy can certainly reduce the overall profitability of a business’s current customers, but it doesn’t inherently bar a business from continuously gaining new customers via strategic sales & marketing efforts. It’s not like their business has 100% reachable market share. And if by rare chance it does, then it’s marketing mix is way off or the entire industry is not viable based on core value. Bottom-line is that you can’t always expect a small business’s performance to be predictably sustained in a down economy and in many other adverse market conditions. The owner has to be continuously investing in strategic sales & marketing to sustain a predictably active customer base. Most who blame the economy for their overall performance are usually the type of mom & pop shop that sits back hoping for more business from their yellow pages ad.

Learn to track market variables. Learn to structure the finances & operations well. Learn to develop, test, & allocate for positive ROI campaigns. Learn management. Learn finance. Learn marketing. Become a pro or get slaughtered by something intangible.

Looks psychologically matter, or else we’d all be bisexuals. A distinction between ugly & sexy is what also establishes boundaries to gender specific attraction. Would we all be inherently happier as pansexuals, or does discrimination add to the pleasurable meaning within our sexual attraction?

A finger fucking of the mouth can be quite hedonistically intimate.

I had better conquer Wall Street sooner than later or else Bruce Wayne just might turn into Patrick Bateman.

I love alt me. I hate clean Bruce. But I love me even more with Bruce’s money. So I’ll conquer Gotham, then transcend into outer space.

I’m going broader with my self-discovery of specific desires for intimacy, affection, comforting, love, beauty, enchantment, etc. Focused on and exploited the right ways, these are extremely potent for deep pleasure. Though, they are notably more of a challenge to consistently get the experience of, compared to more blunt & simplistic implementations of human connection & social hedonism.

Shit! The variety of my desires really fucks with me sometimes. I need to get seriously wealthy, because it’s otherwise just too hard to fulfill an array of desires that is this complex & dynamic.

Wow, I just regained the memory, meaning, & feeling of some of my specific sexual connection desires from back when I was a teenager (biologically). That is some really clean potent mental pleasure if I must say so myself. I feel like I’m Peter Pan regaining the mindset of his youth in Never Never Land…or just a mental drug addict. More, more, more!

The average person compromises their personal desires to gain average happiness.

The strategic person subsidizes some of their top personal desires with mutual enjoyment to gain heightened happiness.

The wealthy person directly acquires their custom personal desires in 100% pure form, which gives them a real shot at transcendence.

But if you want higher & higher levels of happiness, you also have to back it up with deeper self-discovery of personal desires with exacting potency.

Find a vision for a semi-short-term goal that naturally blinds you and makes you progress like a crazy fuck to get it.

I’ve received a divine message from Jesus that Sin City is the new promise land!

Wooooow!!! I think I’m getting close to concluding that fear is ultimately a huge enabler of our personal happiness. Typically it is thought of as the polar opposite. I’ve always aspired to be fearless and be predictably capable of the most tenacious pursuits in life. However, it is looking to me like possessing more fear is one of the biggest pillars to the nature of heightening one’s happiness.

I’m going to continue sitting on my detailed insights with this for a while longer before I decide to conclude this with certainty & explain the premise of it. If I do conclude this, then I’ll probably toss a lot of my confidence building plans out the window, and instead work to build more fear. For serious.

It was this note that got me thinking about this general notion more deeply.

Although I hate the notion of dying, especially after such a short timespan of ~100 years, the reality is that even with extreme life extension, my organic brain will eventually degrade & perish, and my consciousness will be gone from human life as I currently understand it. That may be 10 years, 100 years, 1,000 years, 10,000 years, or 100,000 years from now, but biological death will ultimately happen to me. I hope there is a second act for my consciousness.

Hmmm… It’s a very interesting position for a friendship to be in a place where a small dispute can damage it for the long-term, yet you both have felt a very close connection for many years, and yet it is still not deep enough for either of you to want to proactively develop it to a meaningfully deeper/stronger level. This lack of motivation is often largely due to a disconnect of personal desires. I wonder how I will/should deal with these situations within my inner circle?

Winter 2010/11 was a hedonistically fabulous time for me. A psychological benchmark for sure. Going to have to document more of the thoughts, music, experiences, conditions, etc from this time. Damn, it was so good.

Wanna play bumper pool with our love knobs?

I just saw a tiny glimmer of the future for some people I know and it made me cry. How fucked up beautiful this reality is.

Smart people contemplate life. Average people react to life. Your reactions to this, please?

Growing up, I used to seriously hate country music. However, in the past few years, Taylor Swift has totally converted me. Her modern country pop does some seriously pleasurable flogging of my Gen Y inner child. Damn, she’s good.

Goth chicks like to tickle my dark side. Playing with naughty little dead girls is oh so luscious.

Breaking News: Girl-on-Girl love is now being officially endorsed by God. Strap it on girls and get a taste of Heaven. Then you’ll know what it’s like to make love to an angel.

Fuck being normal. You’ll never be truly great or your true self that way. I take a daily dose of of Vitamin E (Eccentricity) to ward off this disease.

Integrating love & hedonism within yourself & your relationships, without taking on a premise of obligation or compromise is an awesomely beautiful thing.

People don’t ever think or talk as their eternal, transcended selves. This is what it’s all about. So why would I care about people’s opposing statements, when they themselves would just change them in a truer state? Just dismiss them, embrace this reality, & progress within it.

My new life vision involves me publicly going super raw once I get my fuck you money. I’ve only engaged in raw public self-expression this past year, but I want to ultimately go super raw and build a community around it. It will be a super magnate to those that this community is meant for, because there will be no purer source of human nature & human connection out there for them. And since this is designed to be deep connection based on my super raw self-expression, it will be like true love & family for me. This on top of my personal inner circle & Viper Squad entourage. Goddamn, life can be made so fucking beautiful!!

The way to live a high energy, active lifestyle is to ensure that your activities ongoingly fulfill your true personal desires. You’ll naturally become invigorated with vibrant energy this way.

Step #1… Figure out what your most potent evergreen desires are that are truly authentic to you. The months to years that this will take is well worth it. The time is gonna pass by anyway. Better off knowing what you truly truly truly want to experience in this human life.

I think I just got the best vision for my life yet! It is pure me & pure transcendence.

The more I listen to mainstream pop & rock music from the 1950s through today, the more it sounds like the same core type of style. Although, I do sense a change in fundamental feel more recently. Of course, other genres over the decades have felt fundamentally different, like rap, heavy metal, electronic, etc. But, with the emergence of the mainstream electropop trend in the late 2000s, I’m sensing a new overall feeling to mainstream music that breaks the traditional feel for me.

Before this new era of electropop, mainstream music still felt more human, like you could picture the person singing it in front of a microphone as you listen to it. Now, the feeling is more technological & transcendent of the traditional human feel, like you less easily picture the singer & more easily immerse into other mental scenarios. I think that this is an awesome feature for mainstream music. Do you sense this happening too?

Growing up, I always looked at family as family. I logically understood the definition & existence of “outlaw” relatives, but didn’t feel like these relationships were any different as far as the human connection goes. However, now, I understand that there is a fundamental gap of identity & connection between inlaws & outlaws within family relationships. It’s not something that’s often openly acknowledged by people and it isn’t always the case, but it is certainly a prevalent reality.

Think about it… Just because you grow to love another person and marry them, why would that create a deep solid connection with that person’s parents, siblings, sibling’s spouses, sibling’s children, etc. Oh yeah, you see them a few times a year at family events for many years and conduct small talk. Other extended family relationships are usually this way too, however, the one advantage that inlaw relationships have is that there is at least an established organic lifelong source of connection between the people from birth, not a scenario of mergers & acquisitions. Ultimately though, obviously, human connection comes down to the individual situation, where any people can gain or lose connection over time no matter if family or not.

I myself grew up in a fairly loving family that purported no difference in connection between inlaws & outlaws. However, in recent years, I’ve seen more of the core gaps between this ideology of equal connection & the reality of disconnection. I myself have transcended traditional family in my own life and now only maintain an inner circle. Family became the new acquaintances and friends became the new family.

Older people are usually more personally developed & you can often progressively build more with them. However, younger people are usually more free spirited, fun, hot, cute & connected to their inner child. I’m more attracted to youth, but would like to have the best of both worlds in friends. It’s rare to find the best of both within individual people (like myself). So I’ll probably look to keep an active crew of young friends and work to accelerate their personal growth.

That sounds like a plausible lie.

I made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter. I am the best thing that’s ever been hers.

People’s pursuits of success often kills their inner child. It takes a mastery of inner tightrope walking to end up with both.

I largely don’t believe in speculation investing. I’d rather have active management in an asset based on scaling value or other predictable growth opportunities. However, in more sizable portfolios, some minority allocation to systematic speculation can be a wise move.

My life is primarily dedicated to creating a platform for fulfilling my most emotionally potent desires as often as I can. This is how I maximize my experience of pleasure/happiness. The #1 pillar of human happiness is human connection, but self-discovery down to the level of subconscious meaning, desire, & fetish is where the white hot desire & most transcendent of pleasure lies.

I’m talking about a platform made up of money, relationships, concepts, experiences, lifestyles, self-knowledge, brands, marketing, research, strategy, training, technology, locations, advisers, workers, etc, all dedicated to the personal desires & overall happiness of me, Brian Watkins. As long as I have several foreseeable years to live, it is worth investing in the ongoing development of a happiness platform like this. The biggest bottleneck at this stage is still money. I need to get wealthy.

Bruce Wayne went public with his White Knight presence today. Don’t worry, the Dark Knight is still here running the game from within the shadows.

I love listening to good electro music from Europe. I don’t care if I can’t understand it. It still sounds hot. In fact, I often prefer not understanding the words. It’s more exotic that way.

I’ve realized that there is a part of my subconscious that feels an intense unhealthy need to be really good at virtually anything & everything. Where, if I’m not good at something, then I feel like a loser who is generally not good enough and should be rejected as a human being.

I realized that I often project this subconscious meaning onto other people too and look at them like total losers when they can’t efficiently figure things out & perform well with them, when I can. I can tell that I’m often intimidating to others looking for help & answers because I often make it into an issue of personal capability & adequacy.

While this mindset has naturally driven me to achieve becoming a certifiable polymath in my 20s, with great breadth & depth of knowledge/skills/expertise, it is certainly not going to work for my highest desires of human connection & personal transcendence. These experiences are much more important to me than being an expert with functional shit in life.

What I need to do is subconsciously free myself from negative obligation to always be so capable. I need to truly allow myself & others to live this life based primarily on emotional & social presence alone, without judgment of functional adequacy. When I want to positively indulge myself in intellectual or functional pursuits based on creativity, curiosity, or specific goals, then that’s cool. Beyond that, I need default to indulging myself in pursuits of human connection & social hedonism. I need to just live in the moment of pleasurable experience with myself & other people. Achievement be damned.